I Wanted to Hear God but Didn’t Know What Was Blocking Me
Experiencing God Opened My Heart to a Relationship with God
God was calling me back to him when I first reached out to Linda Darin, searching for spiritual and holistic healing after my mom’s death in 2017. I was overwhelmed by emotions and did not know how to deal with grief.
My family ignored difficult emotions pretending everything was okay, so I continued this pattern of disconnecting from my feelings until I arrived at my weekly session in her NYC office crying uncontrollably. As Linda guided me through processing my grief, I received many chakra balancing and energy healings to release negative energy from my body connected to feelings of abandonment, sadness, anger, resentment, and fear. I felt weighed down by anxiety and depression, lacked motivation, and had difficulty sleeping. The spiritual healing Linda provided freed me from these symptoms, and I had more clarity.
But I still couldn’t hear God in my meditations and quiet times!
Linda suggested we continue our work together through The Darin Method®, exploring my childhood patterns and belief systems. I didn’t come to Linda thinking I needed help beyond my grief, but I trusted her enough to want to go deeper, and I am so glad I did! Through Linda’s intuitive counsel, we identified some of my unmet childhood needs that still impact my life today, blocking my connection to God.
The root feeling of rejection by my mom was emotional trauma. I didn’t believe I was worthy of love and thought I had to compete with everyone around me to prove that I deserved it. This belief led to a lifetime of comparing myself to all the girls and women around me, causing me to feel jealous of anyone who had what I wanted, a higher grade, better clothes, a more attractive body, a job title, a husband, and children. If only I had what they had, I would feel happy, fulfilled, and worthy of love. Instead, constantly comparing and throwing jealousy at other women stopped me from receiving love; it hurt them and pushed people away. The spirits of rejection and abandonment prevented me from hearing God.
Pattern – I perform and want to be the star and center of attention.
Belief – I need praise and positive feedback to feel loved.
Emotional root – I feel rejected, abandoned, and unloved by my mom.
Growing up, I learned from my family to hide the shame of our messy and cluttered house behind our intelligence and accomplishments. If we put on a well-groomed front outside our home, no one would see the dark truth of our inability to keep a clean and orderly home. As a result, I couldn’t handle anything I thought was wrong with me. As an adult, I became a workaholic, trying to prove that I was indispensable at my job. But instead of helping me get ahead, it brought physical exhaustion with no time for relationships outside of work. The spirits of shame, self-hate, and unworthiness prevented me from hearing God.
Pattern – I need to be perfect, lie, and hide inadequacies.
Belief – I judge myself if I’m not perfect.
Emotional root – I feel shame, self-hate, and unworthiness.
I was in so much pain from living in these destructive patterns that I was using alcohol, food, and shopping sprees to dissociate from my feelings, unaware of what I was doing. I blamed all the problems in my marriage on my husband. Over time, Linda helped me see the truth – I was an addict! Unfortunately, the inability to deal with my feelings drove me to begin drinking in college to ease the pressure of my classes. I felt lost in this new environment and wanted to fit in. My alcohol use continued into adulthood, binge drinking with friends and colleagues, and eventually, I drank every night at home with my husband. I was also regularly shopping, filling my credit cards to the limit. I craved the high of the purchase. As my relationship with my husband deteriorated, I felt rejected sexually and turned to food for comfort.
My life was out of control with the spirit of addiction, and I could not hear God.
Linda encouraged me to find a church for fellowship, get out of the isolation of my marriage and reconnect with God. I had grown up with a Christian faith, attending church every Sunday, youth group meetings on Wednesday evenings, and spending summers at church camp. Regrettably, I had turned away from my faith in college when I began drinking. Yet, my faith was one part of my childhood that I wanted to bring back into my life! I was so grateful for the support from my new church community and Linda as I moved through the process of leaving my husband, finding a place to live, and getting a divorce.
One day after I told my husband I was going to file for divorce, I came into Linda’s office acting completely different, saying that maybe I should stay with him. Linda could immediately see that I was under the influence of witchcraft. I was not myself; I was trapped in my body and had someone else’s thoughts in my head. I felt controlled and manipulated like a puppet. I was confused and unable to move forward with my decision to get a divorce. I had a heaviness in my gut and diarrhea. As I reflected, I realized that he had used witchcraft to put a curse on my coffee creamer that he specifically asked me to drink. I could not hear God with this curse on me. I was shocked that someone I had known for twenty-five years would harm me like this. If I had not worked with Linda, I would not have had the awareness to put all the pieces together and run!
A few months later, the Covid pandemic hit, and everything in the world shifted, but I continued working with Linda in distance healing sessions throughout the lockdowns. I watched in awe as Linda closed her two offices, trusted God entirely in a crisis, and reached out to all her clients, concerned for our wellbeing. I had never experienced love like this before.
Linda began offering Energy Healings online twice a week, and I regularly joined, feeling the same benefits I experienced in her office. I struggled with anger at what I had lost through the pandemic, engulfed by anxiety, fear, and depression. Through the weekly energy healings online, Linda opened my chakras to expose these dark feelings to God’s healing light, releasing negative energy from my body, mind, and soul. As a result, I would experience warmth in my body, see beautiful colors, feel lighter, think clearly, and make better decisions to keep myself healthy even under challenging circumstances.
When Linda began the Experiencing God Gathering over Zoom in 2021, I wanted to be a part of it and learn more about how Linda had so much trust and faith in God. I had attended many bible study groups and Christian book clubs before and was ready to perform and be the star, just like I had my whole life. It soon became apparent that this group was not about competing or giving the correct answer but was about honest conversation and connecting through our personal experiences. Linda created a safe and welcoming atmosphere where this could happen. As we shared each week and talked about our encounters with God, I realized Linda and other group members heard God speaking to them, and some saw signs confirming their messages from him.
I wanted to hear God!
Linda taught about many feasts I had never heard of in Leviticus 23; Passover, Feast of Unleavened Bread, Feast of First Fruits, Feast of Weeks, Feats of Trumpets, Day of Atonement, and Feast of Booths. I learned about God’s 7 Holy Days and how Jesus fulfills them in messianic teachings. I also enjoyed learning about Mother Mary’s experience of the immaculate conception at Christmas and carrying a child out of wedlock leading up to Christ’s birth. I saw how strong Mary’s faith and trust in God were and was inspired! I had never considered her example; as an Evangelical Christian, my focus was on Jesus’ life. Linda explained the power of the Holy Spirit, the gifts of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and the fruits of the Spirit (I Corinthians 12:8-10). I recognized that Mary’s strength, faith, and trust were gifts from the Holy Spirit!
We had the opportunity in 2021 to go to two Christian concerts as a group, worshiping with thousands of other people in God’s presence. Weekly prayer also brought us into God’s presence and gave us hearts filled with compassion.
I realized my unmet childhood needs in The Darin Method®, connected to spirits of rejection, abandonment, shame, and unworthiness, interfered with my relationship with God and hearing Him. Having a witchcraft curse prevented my communication as well. But there was one more thing missing! I began taking my authority in confessing and repenting to God daily. It was not an easy thing for me to do. I had to admit that I needed God’s help to change my behavior and direction. I had been trying to be perfect my whole life, but that was not what God wanted from me; he just wanted honesty and my surrender to accept his forgiveness.
With this new habit of transparency with God in daily confession and repentance, my relationship with Him started to change, and his grace began to cover me. I was amazed that I had never learned about evil spirits, deliverance, or the importance of daily confession and repentance until now. I finally understood that I had a personal responsibility to change my thoughts and behaviors in conjunction with Linda’s spiritual healing and deliverance ministry. As an instrument of God’s healing, Linda can release me from my bondage, but it is up to me to choose to change direction with God’s mercy and grace. God used my mother’s death to bring Linda into my life to help me have a personal relationship with Him. Linda’s guidance, teaching, and healing have brought me to a place where I can hear God speak to me in my morning quiet time and meditation! I have new life as I listen to Him and a peace I have never felt before.
I am so excited for our next meeting on October 22, 2022, and I recommend the Experiencing God Gathering for anyone who wants to have a personal relationship with God and live according to His will.