The Shame of Hiding Mental Illness to Knowing God’s Truth
How The Darin Method® Restored My Soul
When I first met Linda, my life was chaotic, one catastrophe after another. I was anxious, depressed, and didn’t know how to cope. I often felt like a pathetic victim and didn’t understand how my behavior affected those around me. I felt like something was missing from my life, but I didn’t know what.
While working with Linda in Holistic therapy service sessions, I joined a church and participated in a bible study class. I felt in my heart at that moment God was calling me to him, so I accepted and allowed Linda to become my spiritual mentor and guide. Although I grew up Catholic and went to parochial school, I never felt the actual presence of God in my life. My parents weren’t spiritual and didn’t come to church with my brother and me. Although I believed in God and said prayers, my spiritual life was more ceremonial than a relationship with Him.
I soon accepted Jesus into my heart, which opened the door for the Holy Spirit to begin a work in me.
My first four years receiving Intuitive healing services from Linda were focused primarily on dealing with different family situations. After my divorce, I decided to work on myself and learn more about mental health. As I started doing the Darin Method ®, I began to see mental illness is genetic in my family lineage. It became apparent that I was suffering from spiritual, physical, and emotional symptoms from the traumas I had experienced growing up in a family of untreated mental illness. I had no idea I had emotional and spiritual trauma and how much I had blocked out.
Through my intuitive counseling and online healing sessions with Linda and her deliverance gifts, I learned that demonic forces, negative energies, attach to my dark emotions and enter my mind and soul. Those demonic forces can build up over time and affect my thoughts, behaviors, and physical health if not cleared out. I lived in bondage to fear, shame, guilt, and mistrust, contributing to my anxiety and depression.
My dark thoughts, patterns, and emotions did not allow me to change. I chose to do the work and move out of the hell I was living in rather than staying stuck in it. Journaling my emotions was a vital tool to let go of dark emotions. I found myself less fearful and seeing more clearly through weekly Energy Healing Online sessions, including Chakra balancing and Sound healing. I developed a new sense of freedom I didn’t have before.
Utilizing Linda’s Spiritual healing services, I began soul healing sessions with visualizations and guided imagery. Healing my soul dealt with my patterns, beliefs, emotions, and will. I was able to go deeper into my traumas and understand the root causes. I had layers of soul wounds that were roadblocks causing me heartache and deep sorrow, which kept my heart blocked from loving. I participated in a series of online Soul Healings that helped heal the different layers of my emotional and spiritual wounds. I began to see bright colors, feel my heart rate drop, and hear God for the first time telling me to release. I saw an intense white light in my last healing and felt at peace as my soul aligned.
By looking at my childhood, I shed some light on the patterns of behaviors I developed growing up that continued into my adulthood.
I grew up with my parents and older brother in a two-bedroom apartment. My dad was a teacher and coached sports after school. My mother was a stay-at-home mom. I grew up very guarded due to my family’s erratic behavior, and my inability to feel secure and trust others affected my relationships as I grew up.
My dad was easy-going and complacent, not knowing how to deal with much, often leaving things for my mother to handle. My mother was authoritative and tackled things head-on.
I grew up feeling left out and rejected by my dad because he didn’t spend much time with me or show me affection. He always worked or coached and devoted the rest of his time coaching my brother’s minor league teams. I saw my dad in the mornings getting ready for school and at dinner time. Most of the attention I received from him was when I needed help with schoolwork, typically after having a meltdown when I didn’t know what I was doing.
My mother was very involved in my life and put me in activities that stimulated my interest. I knew my mother wanted what was best for me, but she was very overbearing and demanding to be around. She projected her anger onto me and frequently shamed and criticized me, often comparing me to others. She was the disciplinarian in the house, and I often was punished for little things. Everything had to be done her way and just right. I tried to please her but never measured up. I felt lost, not knowing who I was and looking to be perfect to be accepted. As an adult, I continued to look for my mother’s approval, still trying to be perfect to fit in and copying her because I didn’t have a sense of who I was. I knew my mother loved me but often felt rejected and victimized by her. As an adult, I continued with this pathetic victim mentality, often blaming my mother for all my pain of shame.
I had the emotional and spiritual trauma of being abandoned and rejected by my parents causing me to be distrustful and run out of my house looking for others to fill me up and give me security. This pattern continued into my adulthood, as I often looked to others for advice and comfort when I couldn’t deal.
I became addicted to struggling to fit in, feeling helpless, not knowing how to cope, feeling abandoned, and unable to figure things out, which continued into my adult life.
The Darin Method®
Pattern: doubting my abilities and thinking I needed to struggle in life constantly
Belief: I don’t know enough; things are too hard for me
Emotions: not trusting, doubt, guilt, shame
I was close to my outgoing, adventurous, and fearless brother, the opposite of me. I was more reserved and quiet, always observing and following along. Although my brother was very protective of me, as he got older, he became more impulsive, hitting me at times for no reason and later dabbling into drugs which affected his personality, making me feel betrayed and ashamed. Later in life, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
My family frequently fought and had unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict. My mother always had to be correct, and my father never wanted to speak up. There was a lot of arguing and competing. My grandmother went on tangents and wouldn’t let anyone get in a word edgewise.
I didn’t learn how to confront others in a loving way to solve a conflict, so instead, I learned to avoid it, causing me not to trust and be anxious. These patterns played out in my marriage by pretending or silent treatment. Not speaking up made me angry. I projected my anger onto my husband and children and developed panic attacks when confronting others but didn’t know what to say.
I wasn’t allowed to share my thoughts as I was minimized or chastised. There was always a cover-up, many hidden secrets, and a lot of shame. I became traumatized by hiding the mental illness in my family and not knowing how to cope with it. As I got older, I learned to hide the truth and became addicted to not being authentic, withholding, telling partial truths, and being afraid of speaking up when I needed to. The more I lied, the crazier I felt and acted. My home environment during my marriage was just as chaotic and stressful as my childhood.
The Darin Method®
Pattern: Being afraid to speak my truth
Belief: I get dismissed or punished when I speak up
Emotion: fear, shame, hiding secrets
I went to a small parochial school where I knew everyone, and my classes were very structured until the age of ten. Order and routine gave me a sense of security because I knew what to expect. When I was in second grade, I had a strict teacher who shamed a lot and reminded me of my mother, making me anxious. The following year, I was sent to the principal’s office for a week for not wearing socks according to the new dress code, and my mother refused to buy me new socks. My mother mocked me when I came home upset for being shamed by the principal. Being humiliated at home and school traumatized me, giving me more anxiety, and leading me to fear change, wanting routine, and always following the rules. I had a lot of hidden anger and hatred from all the shame. As an adult, I became vindictive towards those who shamed me.
The Darin Method®
Pattern: being shamed, being afraid of change, following order and routine
Belief: I’m not good enough; I need to control situations to feel safe; habit makes me feel safe and secure
Emotions: fear, insecurity, lack of trust, self-hate
My mother was very strict with what I ate, and I wouldn’t say I liked the food she prepared for me. Mealtime was stressful because I wasn’t allowed an alternative and couldn’t leave the table until I finished the meal. I often traded my lunch at school or threw it out because I was not too fond of it. As I grew, I became self-conscious of my body because I was tall and thin, and my grandmother had to take in all my clothes. I became jealous because I couldn’t wear many of my friends’ clothes. As an adult, I rejected myself for my body type and had trouble loving myself for who I was.
The Darin Method®
Pattern: my grandmother had to take in all my clothes for them to fit
Belief: Nothing ever first me; I’m too tall and thin
Emotions: uncomfortable, shame
I had a lot of friends in my neighborhood and at school; however, in fifth grade, I moved and was devasted. I lost my sense of security. My brother became depressed with the move and started smoking pot with a kid in our new neighborhood. As my brother’s mood changed, I became lonely, anxious, and abandoned. For the next year, I took the bus to visit my friends on the weekends because I wasn’t ready to give up my lifeline yet.
As I go through this healing journey, I’m learning I’m not crazy; I have answers now and can love myself more. I have hope I can deal with life in a better way. I got to the roots of my mental health and looked at my story, the traumas I lived in, and how those traumas played out in my life. Getting to the roots of my lying has been a real eye-opener, and I’m learning to let go of the shame of hiding. Mental illness is a disease, and the truth is out. I can speak up more boldly. I’m less anxious and depressed when I’m honest, and open forms of communication occur. I can see how I’m growing, changing, and transforming. The Darin Method ® exposed a lot of darkness and allowed me to choose new patterns and beliefs and heal the emotional roots that kept me in bondage.
This past year I began participating in a Workshop Experiencing God that Linda Darin is leading. I’ve learned that God wants to have an intimate relationship with me. As I have daily confession and repentance, he is loosening the burdens of my soul. I can hear him better, and he can guide me now as I have accountability partners for repenting and praying, allowing me to speak my truth and admit my darkness without hiding. I don’t have to be perfect. Scripture helps unravel old patterns and beliefs to help change my mindset and let God work to change my heart and behavior. I am developing more faith and trust in God. God has been changing me, and I’m no longer in control.
I have a lot of support for my mental health through intuitive counseling, weekly energy healings with chakra balancing, prayers, and groups with Linda Darin. I have hope now; I can choose to change. I see more clearly, and I am learning to be honest. The soul healing was astounding! It freed me from so many demonic forces that I lived in bondage from childhood. I don’t have to live a lie of hiding my shame, my mental health, trying to be perfect, or being someone I’m not. I’ve assisted my son with his addiction, left a destructive marriage, left friends that weren’t good for me, and had a job that no longer served my highest good. I do not feel stuck in depression, anxiety, and trauma. I am not as self-absorbed and becoming more God-centered.
As I continue to heal, I have more faith in God. I’m more compassionate about mental illness and where I came from, having more peace with my parents and myself.
Thank you, Linda Darin, for your knowledge, wisdom, counseling, healing, and prayers. The Darin Method ® allowed me to go to the roots of my issues and the soul healings allowed me to free my demons. Your gifts have allowed me to experience God in a new way. Before knowing you, I lived in darkness, lying, hiding, shame, and had so much self-hate. As you introduced me to the light, I better understand who I am and who lives inside me.
I highly recommend Linda Darin. Thank you!