My pre-COVID life looked quite different from what my life looks like now. Before the pandemic hit, I was pretty much working two full-time jobs. I would leave my house by 6:30 am, work as a social worker at a school and then head to my private practice and see clients at night. By the time I got home, it was usually 9:30 pm. I would eat when I could throughout the day, talk to my family from the car, spend a lot of time in traffic and pass out when I got home from exhaustion. My husband and I were in the middle of renovating the first floor of our home, which meant doing dishes in the laundry room and cooking out of a makeshift kitchen in the basement. We were also trying to become pregnant at the time as well. The hustle of it all left me with no time to feel. Life was chaotic.
On 3/16/20, the world shut down. At first, so much of me enjoyed all this newfound free time. I could sleep in, had time for breakfast in the morning, and I could take care of things around the house. However, this was short-lived. My reality started to settle in around me, and the questions in my head began: how will I transition clients to telehealth and make a living, should I shut down my office, how long will this last, when will I get to see my family again, why I can’t get pregnant? I realized that the more time I had, the more time I became lost in my thoughts.
I found myself wading through burdensome emotions of sadness, anxiety, and disappointment. True to my behavioral patterns, when dark emotions take hold, I began to disassociate from myself. I was going through the motions of life but not mentally or spiritually present for anything. Another pattern emerged as I started checking tasks off my proverbial to-do list and, again, disconnecting from the feelings of shame and resentment.
At this point, I had been working with Linda for several years, and she knows me well. Linda snapped me back to reality through her honest and direct approach. She did not allow me to wallow in self-pity, become a victim or fall into a depression. I expressed all my feelings and let the process unfold through spiritual healing and never went on medication.
Linda and I worked through virtual healing sessions on Zoom and began processing my childhood through The Darin Method® to discover the origins of my patterns and belief systems that kept me stuck in this dissociation and victim mentality. I found this has historically been my pattern throughout my life when things do not go the way I planned, I disconnect from myself to stop feeling. For me, this was easier than dealing with the dark emotions as they came upon me.
Through Chakra Balancing and Sound Healing, Linda helped me move out the dark emotions of fear, shame, and guilt that kept me immobilized from taking action. Linda provided me with the strength, courage, and perseverance I needed to bring me back to a level of maturity and accountability. I began making appointments with doctors to have the necessary tests run to answer my inability to become pregnant. Through our virtual healing sessions she continued to keep me focused on healthy ways to be responsible for my feelings when I began IVF treatments in the fall. Since her background is in nursing, it helped to discuss the process while going to each Doctor. She also recommended holistic doctors for me.
Having faith has been a struggle for me, as I often want to control my environment and circumstances. Linda’s spiritual healing and guidance brought me to a place where I could turn things over to God and know that God would get me to where it NEEDED to be, not necessarily where I WANTED to be.
While managing through the dark emotions regarding my infertility, there was also the pandemic around me. Linda encouraged me to remain informed about health and safety precautions while also promoting self-care. I would watch the news in the morning to get information and messages from the governors, but I did not glue myself to the television, as I found that would lead me into fear.
Self-love looked quite different due to quarantine. Where I would usually go to a hot yoga class or get my nails done, I had to adapt to being confined to my home. Self Care turned into online yoga classes, at-home pedicures, taking long walks around the neighborhood, getting groceries delivered to grill different dinners.
Even amidst a pandemic, Linda always brings it back to caring for the self and having faith and trust in God. Without those two components, COVID would have been a much darker, depressive time for me. Having Linda to connect with every week through online healing sessions kept me focused on the light and dark of everything. Her holistic approach allows you to see it all, keeps you grounded in faith, and provides you with the strength to face challenges. Linda explains that life is full of dark and light experiences, but God is there thru it all. The most painful time of this pandemic was not getting pregnant naturally and going for infertility, but God was there in the darkest times.
The two most incredible things I learned through my spiritual healing were patience and faith. Allowing myself to turn my life over to God and have faith He will take to me to where I need to be is a gift. Knowing all the positives in my life and expressing gratitude to God for them has been a driving force to keep me on this new track. My baby will now experience a new me, and I will have her know God!
My life is more peaceful now. I am no longer more sitting in traffic, living out of my car, and being exhausted at the end of the day. I am grateful to work from home, spend time with my family, and am expecting a baby girl this fall. This experience is not how I want to get here, but it was undoubtedly the way I NEEDED to get here to learn and grow for my daughter.
Thank you, God, for allowing me to know you, trust, and have faith in you, and now I can bring my daughter to you too!