Relationship Advice: What to do on a first date after divorce
One common piece of relationship advice is to answer the question of “What to do on a first date after divorce?” Unless you’re looking for a one night stand, in which case the following is not for you, a first date after divorce is a way for two people to introduce themselves to one another and ascertain whether they want to pursue a relationship. A first date can be the only date or it can lead to a life-long relationship. But the most important factor is to remember… this is just the first date!
There are a few suggestions and you need to take into consideration your personal likes and dislikes. Time of day doesn’t matter. If you can only meet during the afternoon, than that will work as a great first date too. I suggest going to a place that’s not very loud, is well lit, and would allow for a proper conversation. Be sure to put your phone on silence or shut it off completely. Be attentive and be yourself!
But since this is the first date, sometimes you may not know what to talk about. And the last thing any new date (including yourself) wants to hear are the issues of your past relationship. You are on a date to have fun, remember, it’s not a counseling session!
COFFEE OR CASUAL MEAL
Some people prefer to have a first date after divorce at a coffee shop or a casual restaurant. The setting has to be comfortable for both people so that they can relax and open up about themselves. Naturally you should talk about yourself over coffee or dinner. You should also try to put your best face forward, but if there is some issue of which the other person should be aware, then sooner or later you should let that person know. For example, I suggest that it’s great to speak about family, if you have children, your hobbies and interests, and the type of work you do. This way, if there is a conflict, there wasn’t much time and effort put into this “new relationship” and you can comfortably part ways.
Besides talking about yourself, you should also listen to the other person talk about his or herself. This shows that you are not an egomaniac and are actually interested in what your date has to say. This will serve you in good stead if the relationship proceeds forward.
Pace yourself… if you are having a great time, then schedule a second date. If you’re enjoying the conversation, keep talking. Whoever said there was a time limit or a code is fooling themselves. Great relationships happen organically. They are not forced. Just ask your date if they’re good with time and if you want to continue, by all means, enjoy!
An alternative first date strategy is to find a mutual interest and make it part of your first time together. This can be anything from a new band playing at a local club to a sporting event or a museum exhibition or photo gallery.
History buffs can walk around a historic area enjoying conversation and the ambiance. And music lovers could even sign up for a one-time music lesson. You can even go mini-golfing or a fun spot like Dave & Busters. Do whatever it is that will make you both feel comfortable. For example, if your date does not like sports, then don’t go to the minor league ball game you had planned.
I suggest not to go to loud concerts, movies, or plays since you won’t be able to develop conversation and won’t learn much of each other. Save those for when you get to know one another a bit more.
Afterwards you can have a casual meal or coffee and will have a shared experience to serve as an ice breaker to see if the relationship will develop further.
THE NEXT DAY
We are not children anymore. The games are not necessary and can be a waste of time and effort. Call the other person the next day and tell him or her how much you enjoyed his or her company. If in fact you did! If you don’t intend to see the other person again; thank them for the date as it is just common courtesy. If you do want to see that other person again, the phone call is the perfect time to set up the second date.
THE HURT FROM THE PAST
It may take a while to feel comfortable to go on a first date after divorce. That’s ok! Just take it slowly. Developing a relationship takes time. There is no rush. Be honest with yourself, how you are feeling, and you don’t owe anything to anyone. If you did not like the date, that’s ok too. Just enjoy the fact that you are able to move forward at your own pace.
If you’d like to explore your relationship concerns and fears, please contact us. Linda Darin and Holistic Healing will help guide you through self-empowerment and healing to help you live a more balanced and fulfilled life.