Freedom From Captivity to Jealousy Through Spiritual Healing
If you asked me to describe myself, I would never have said I was a jealous person. As a 30-year-old woman, I enthusiastically joined in celebrations of my friend’s and family’s milestones. I wanted them to be happy and have the best in life, but I also coveted what they had for me and became angry that I didn’t! I compared my career in New York City, home, image, and marriage to everyone around me, questioning my worth if I didn’t measure up to their life. Anxiety hit me hard at parties and professional gatherings as I worried if they would accept me or judge me for how I looked and acted. I became a master chameleon, mirroring the people around me instead of just being myself.
Envy pushed me to become a workaholic and people pleaser, wanting to confirm my value by achieving the next promotion and pay raise. But I spent more than I earned buying everything I thought would make me happy in my home and new clothes every season, afraid I wouldn’t fit in with my peers without them. Consequently, I was drowning in debt and burnt out from working until I became ill. My entire life became a competition. My insecurity made me overly critical of myself and others, so I was never content with what I had or how I looked. While my achievements brought success and praise, they did not allow me to build genuine friendships. Who wants to be with someone who copies all that they do? I didn’t know how to create a vision for my life without looking at someone else’s. I didn’t know who I was. I felt miserable and alone, succumbing to depression.
How The Darin Method® Restored My Soul
Through the Darin Method ®, I saw the roots of this jealousy and comparison began in my childhood in Ohio. I needed to be the star and center of attention to feel loved. In response, I developed the pattern of performing and trying to please adults when I was young, competing with my brothers for attention and love from my parents. As I got older, I compared my home and family to my friends’ – theirs always seemed better, bigger, and more beautiful. Their parents always seemed more attentive and loving. I felt inadequate and unworthy because I was constantly comparing and began to find other ways to prove that I was valuable. I strove to get straight A’s in school to be singled out by my teachers as the gold standard. I wanted to win at sports and 4-H sewing competitions. If I didn’t, I would become incredibly jealous of the winner, feeling ashamed and guilty for not being number one. This behavior and drive continued today in my career and social life, but now I see I can choose to change my behavior patterns. I wanted to find my unique path in life instead of following everyone else.
Linda’s Intuitive Counsel and Spiritual Guidance helped me understand the bondage to jealousy and envy that had infiltrated me as a child and how it damaged me and everyone around me. I was ignorant of the danger of my covetousness as it stopped others from being blessed while blocking me from my blessings. Through weekly virtual sessions, online energy healing, and chakra balancing, God worked through Linda to deliver me from these agreements I had with the dark emotions of jealousy, envy, guilt, shame, and unworthiness. Journaling daily helps me recognize when jealousy and envy are erupting. Then, I repent and beg forgiveness for the harm my jealousy cast onto that person—asking God to shower them with His love, bringing goodness into their life.
In addition, Linda guided me to keep a gratitude journal which shifted my mindset from one of lack to one of contentment with all the blessings I have: my health, safety, community in my church, access to healthy food, and shelter—discovering beauty in the simplicity of life. Next, we dove into self-care because all my jealousy and comparison were grounded in self-hate. As I explored all aspects of self-love and journaled my experiences, I discovered my true self, God’s beautiful creation. I found joy in doing little things throughout the day; the pleasures of an afternoon cup of tea, seeing the beauty of nature on my walks, and a warm bath at the end of a long day. I honored myself by being truthful about how I felt, letting emotions flow through and out of me instead of holding them in, and pretending I was perfect. As a result, I could forgive myself for the jealousy, anger, and comparisons and forgive my mom for the pain of rejection I felt as a child creating these performance patterns.
Finally, studying Experiencing God with Linda on Saturday mornings taught me that I don’t have to have more to feel content. Building a personal relationship with God would fill the emptiness born out of rejection I was trying to cover up by buying more things or earning praises. Linda encouraged me to find ways to connect to my family, community, and strangers to offer my help instead of being so self-centered and self-focused. I was able to help my dad during a health crisis and spend time with him in his home. I noticed people around me on my walks in the park, and instead of comparing, I would smile and sometimes strike up a conversation. I said yes to a new job opportunity with a friend, to assist them in their entrepreneurial ventures, using my creative gifts to help, not just for personal gain. I was living in agreement with God, no longer in accord with the dark emotions that had plagued me my entire life. I felt at peace for the first time without running to the stores to shop or going out to drink to feel good about myself. I could accept my faults and failures and learn from them to change, transform and grow into the woman God wants me to be instead of the woman next to me. I was able to forgive myself for my mistakes and my family for the pain that I carried from my childhood to move forward with the loving support of Linda Darin, pointing me toward God’s will for my life.