I looked up to my older brother. He was my ‘hero’, or at least that was the lie I told myself for many years.
When I was a little girl, I distinctly remember one night running to his bed for comfort when I was scared and he made me feel better. Well, that was actually the only time in my life I ever ran to him for anything other than to fight.
My brother was four and half years older than me. That was a big age gap growing up and we fought more than we bonded. He had his friends and his life and I had mine, we never had a strong loving bond. He was the first male grandchild of an Italian family and was put on a pedestal at birth.
As a follower and people pleaser, I mimicked everyone else’s treatment of my brother and looked up to him but secretly resented all the special attention that he received from grandparents and extended family growing up.
After the horrific terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, my brother decided to become a United States Marine. My mother and his girlfriend at the time tried to stop him from enlisting because they feared that he would be killed. He was determined to become a Marine and fight for the freedom of the United States of America.
So, no one could convince him otherwise and he went off to boot camp when I was only 19 years old. I never feared that he would die. My brother was a lost soul who suffered from clinical depression and addiction. The military seemed to give him a purpose and I was relieved to see him in a more solid place doing what he desired.
I will never forget the phone call from my father on January 5, 2006. I was shopping for skincare at Sephora and my phone would not stop ringing. I tried ignoring it until I finished my shopping. The sales girl seemed more concerned than me and urged me to answer my phone.
When I answered, my father’s voice was shaky, and he said words that are forever burned in my brain, “Cori, your brother was killed.” At that point I started to scream and mentally left my body. I could not handle the pain and I was in complete and utter shock.
I quickly went into a deep depression. I could not talk about my brother without crying. I felt such a deep loss from a person with whom I had never really bonded. I decided to move back to my parents’ house, took a leave from my job, and spent most of my days on the couch. I went to see a psychologist who wanted to prescribe depression medication because all I did was cry at my first visit.
I did not want depression medication. I just wanted the pain to end. In order to numb the pain, I began binge drinking on weekends or when there were memorial services to honor my brother. I did not seek grief counseling for many years. It seemed easier at the time to numb out the pain with drinking and not having to be responsible and accountable for my life. My mind and heart were in darkness and alcohol was my relief.
After ten years of disconnecting and dissociating from reality of my brother’s death, I allowed Linda to assist me with spiritual mentoring and guidance so I began to heal.
The alternative healing approach of Linda Darin was the only way I am not able to say that I am healed from the grief of my brother. Linda worked with God in many energy healings and my brother came to visit in spirit form several times.
There were emotional times for me, but they also brought me spiritual healing. I trusted Linda to assist me to release alcohol and followed the trust and faith in God.
I see Linda as God’s servant and He works through her to heal people. The Darin Method® enabled me to recognize the patterns and beliefs that were impeding my healing.
I followed the beliefs of my family begrudgingly to honor my brother in his death for over a decade. My family would have services and parties three to five times a year for the past twenty years honoring my brother.
Every time that I had to participate, I felt an anger and resentment towards my family and my brother. He got all the attention when he was alive and still received the spotlight in his death.
It wasn’t until Linda, being used as a spiritual guide and mentor, helped me to realize and recognize these deep strongholds of anger, resentment, bitterness, and jealousy towards my brother. She assisted me to release. Linda helped me to form new beliefs about honoring those who died.
I do not believe that I need to spend years going to graves and creating events to honor those who have passed. Also, I have changed patterns of following my family and their patterns of honoring the dead for fear of them being forgotten. I had a dream that my brother and I would one day become close and when I heard that he was killed, that dream died along with him.
It was hard for me to accept reality and I became angry with God for putting me through so much pain. Linda gave me spiritual enlightenment and taught me that trials and tribulations are a part of life. It is written in the Word of God and I now follow the Bible and learn more and more about who God is. I am able to have an intimate relationship with Him. I no longer use alcohol to cope.
I am so grateful to Linda that I am overcoming depression and have experienced positive healing and beginning to feel inner peace and inner joy in a new way. I know that I am in a healing place because Linda has guided me to look at my beliefs, patterns, and emotions that no longer worked for me and had me shift them to new healthy ways of living.
If it wasn’t for Linda, I would still be stuck in my family’s way of dealing with depression and grief, which is not actually dealing at all. Her holistic healing approach has been the only way I can speak about my brother’s death without feeling traumatized. Linda has brought spirituality to my life and always points me to God who has brought me wholeness and healing.